Is it a trend?

In the nearly 3 years John and i have been married, we have been through a lot, i have been there for friends that have gone through a lot, i have been there for family, i feel like i have been helpful in whenever someone needs me to. I'm wondering now why i even try. so i guess i need to just be a hermit and not be there for anyone that isn't there for me, and just be there for my family.

Last night we got a phone call from my mother in law letting us know that John's Aunt Jerry (whom played a huge roll in his life) had passed away. While i was talking to Jacque (my mom in law) she had asked me to tell John, and i couldn't, i couldn't tell him again that someone close to him had passed away. because every time someone has passed away, Aunt Jerry is the 3rd person close to him that has passed in less than 3 years) my heart breaks, and i really have no one to turn to, to talk to other than my husband and family, and they are feeling the same pain that i am feeling but multiplied! In Feb 09 John was in training at NTC in California, and i had to inform him that his grandfather had passed away, in Oct 10 John's brother Joe was KIA in Afghanistan and i had to tell him that his brother wasn't going to come home, which was by far the worst feeling in the world to have to tell your husband, and last night i just couldn't tell him, i am normally a very strong person when it comes to dealing with loss and i am normally one to be ok with telling the news. I am torn up for my family, and my husband. His grandpa i didn't know very well, met only a few times since John and I had only been dating a few months, his brother i had gotten to know and talked to him like he was my own brother and he loved Jennika, and Joe was by far the hardest person to lose in the family, its been over a year and we are all still feeling pain, and Getting the news of Aunt Jerry is another wonderful person this family is going to take awhile to accept.

I am praying that this is not a new thing with our family. seems like every year n a half or so we lose something that is near and dear to our hearts. And i am praying for Uncle Harlan and him losing the love of his life. Now i have to wait for when to book our tickets to oregon and pray that John is able to come...then worry about our dogs.

Posting my success.

I first thought that posting pictures of my success would just embarrass me and I'm too shy to show how I let myself get out of control. But then since seeing my body changing for the better I have decided that maybe a picture a month wouldn't be so bad :) after all I am the one that is changing me and I should be proud of what I am doing and not dwell on the past. After all I can't change the past but I am changing my future :) I have seen more results in my body changing than in my scale. Which is perfectly fine with me since changing my body is more important that what weight is on the scale. :) so at the end of this you will see a picture of my before and a picture of me today. If you can't not be judgmental and rude then keep your comments to yourself. And I'm proud of myself and I hope you can be proud of me too.

Onto family, jennika is seeming to be back on track with her potty issue, and I am so relieved. My friend Jessica gave me this wonderful idea of freezing go gurt, and giving it to her as a treat which worked wonderful this morning. And she has even been dry all day! :)) Ruth is crawling all over, and playing with all the toys. Jennika and Ruth are now playing together, and looking back at our play area to see Ruth all over the place, is awesome. What's even better is seeing her playing with Jennika. Jennika loves her sister, and is enjoying sharing her toys with Ruth. I am just going to enjoy life, and not worry so much about the small stuff. I know my husband will do his very best to take care of us and that's a wonderful feeling.

2 weeks down!

Well I am finished 2weeks of my workouts! :) I did the first set in slim and six and I'm doing much better in the treadmill intervals. :) I have lost 10lbs and 11.5 inches. I feel wonderful!!! I started the second set in slim in six today and it is going to be awesome! It is 20mins longer than the first set and it is way faster. But I am enjoying it! I changed my routine a little and decided slim in six and treadmill need to be in the morning and not at night since I am exhausted by days end. So now tonight I will jump on the treadmill for a half hour and be done. Plus I prefer doing a walk at night than both it gives me too much energy before bed. And now I can workout clean the house shower an head to bed! All by about 915ish. :) I have stayed on track with my healthy eating and even went out to dinner twice this weekend and still ordered something within my calorie range! I have been looking at my pictures that I took before I started working out and pictures I took now and WOW! I totally see a huge difference in just 2wks!!!! It's amazing and I am so happy! Like I have said before I'm not too worried about the numbers on the scale but more focused on eating right and working out. Which I have done so far!

On another note Ruth crawled for the first time last night. Only a little but hey it's a start! And she is all over this morning crawling a few inches then spinning and repeat lol. Jennika is talking way more and I love it! She has conversations with her dolls haha. John is at selection this week and I keep praying everything is going great for him, this is a make or break career thing for him and I'm always praying for the best. Civil affairs is something he wants so bad and it's something that interests him in the army and even though it will be hard on our family I will support him anyway I can so that he meets his goals. Which is what he has done for me!

This is the longest I have kept up with working out and knowing me a year ago I would have never done this. So it is a huge accomplishment for me to be working out 14 days in a row! And not having fast food, soda, or any easy boxed food is so amazing to me! Granted I would like some on some days but I fight my urges and tell myself I didn't lose 10lbs just to gain it back! I am looking forward to what next week holds for me in my weight loss. Hopefully another 3lbs at least. This last week I lost 5lbs! My first goal was 10lbs a month. And I have met that goal in 2wks. I know every month won't be like this but 10lbs will be my main goal :)

I hope you are sticking to your new year resolution. :)

Feeling lighter!

I am so enjoying this year so far! I feel wonderful! I have kept with my workout and healthy eating, I did have a reward day yesterday we had desert at coldstone but I ate healthy all day aside from my desert :) I woke up this morning feeling guilty since I was organizing my craft stuff all night and didn't workout. But today I am working in another workout and more of a weigh training workout which will be nice! I have never felt this good and I have never felt like just working out without dreading it. I have been enjoying it and not even thinking twice about working out :) I am so proud of myself, and am so looking forward to what is to come. I have one week down and five weeks to go, 3.5 lbs down :) so many more to go but that's not my real focus. My focus is eating healthy and exercising. :)

GO ME!

Loving The New Me!

Wow, I don't think I have ever been this energized or this excited about working out in my life! I feel like a whole new person and I just wish I could have done it sooner, but I am so happy I didn't wait any longer! I know have a nice routine going, and working out isn't a chore, I don't have to peel myself off the couch and force myself to work out! And I have been eating healthy and not worrying about what the scale says since I am only weighing myself once a week. And if I drop even one lb I will be so happy! I am more focused on just making sure I keep doing the workouts I enjoy! I am so glad I decided to do the slim in six and start out with it since it is somewhat of a beginners work out but still kicks my butt! Well it is by beach body so I know it's good :) after my 6wks I will start the 30 day shred, and after that I think turbo fire or P90X. But I will get to that point when I get there. I found out today my iFit has 25 workouts and I am on 4. I do the same one twice, so i won't have to search for the second one until later. :) anyways I am so very proud of myself, and I know that I will achieve my goals!!! :)

Are you sticking to your new years resolution?!?

Disconnecting

There is so much going on in my life, i am battling my own struggles mentally and physically, Jennika is have some issues not physical or mental but just issues that we have been battling since we got to NC, John has some things he needs to focus on or the outcome if he doesn't succeed will be horrible. So i am kind of feeling like i need to disconnect and focus on my life in full swing instead of having distractions. Plus my phone is only a distraction when it does go off which now a days is only my mom, johns mom, or john. So really that shouldn't be an issue much. I am decided that my phone will only be on if i am leaving my house, yet will be in my purse just in case i need it, i am going to go out and get a house phone tomorrow to set up the security in my house and if someone needs to reach me they can, if they want the number. i am deff having more struggles than any recently prob cause i kinda feel left in the dark, but thats really nothing new to me since it tends to happen a lot in my life. but life goes on and its time for me to just stop and focus on things that i need to do and get done. :)

Today started off to be a great day, girls had their check ups and both of them are very healthy and advanced. Dr told me that i am on top of things since Jennika is potty trained and the average now a days of kids to be potty trained is 3-3 1/2. then the girls got their shots, jennika did great she only whined while the lady was touching her and then she was fine and ruth cried until i picked her up which is what Jennika used to do haha. Then we came home relaxed had lunch and i got a text from my husband stating some not so great news. so now i am stressing out because if John doesn't pass this course he is going to on the 15th then we could be homeless and jobless and after a big move and then another move across country things would not be looking good. SO needless to say i will be stressed and worried about everything and thinking worse case for everything the whole month cause we won't find out until the 20th. and on top of that i will not be going to Cali to see my family which is a huge bummer for me since my grandpa just underwent heart surgery, and i was looking forward to introducing Ruth to friends and family. but that will have to wait which i guess is a good thing since saving money is the best idea right now. Then we found out that we won't even be getting the money we spent moving here until late jan since its so close to the end of the year and W-2s are needing to be processed and they won't even start it until those are all handed out which is the 23rd. :( so needless to say i am stressed to the max. and i think this is the only thing i vent to now a days since i don't really want to bother other people with my problems anymore cause i feel like I'm an annoyance at times. so my day went from awesome to horribly stressful all at the same time. on top of that i am still feeling like family issues will NEVER be resolved and things will never change which really pisses me off! but i am trying very very hard to not get bothered by the family issues that seem will never change.

to end my night i did a work out on the treadmill and now I'm going to head to bed, 9:15 and its calling my name. hopefully tomorrow will be a better day and i will get the rest of the things done that i need to get done. So if you are trying to get ahold of me leave a voicemail or email me. phone will be shut of the majority of the day and if its turned on i will most likely not be answering it. i guess i am turning into a hermit.