Disconnecting

There is so much going on in my life, i am battling my own struggles mentally and physically, Jennika is have some issues not physical or mental but just issues that we have been battling since we got to NC, John has some things he needs to focus on or the outcome if he doesn't succeed will be horrible. So i am kind of feeling like i need to disconnect and focus on my life in full swing instead of having distractions. Plus my phone is only a distraction when it does go off which now a days is only my mom, johns mom, or john. So really that shouldn't be an issue much. I am decided that my phone will only be on if i am leaving my house, yet will be in my purse just in case i need it, i am going to go out and get a house phone tomorrow to set up the security in my house and if someone needs to reach me they can, if they want the number. i am deff having more struggles than any recently prob cause i kinda feel left in the dark, but thats really nothing new to me since it tends to happen a lot in my life. but life goes on and its time for me to just stop and focus on things that i need to do and get done. :)

Today started off to be a great day, girls had their check ups and both of them are very healthy and advanced. Dr told me that i am on top of things since Jennika is potty trained and the average now a days of kids to be potty trained is 3-3 1/2. then the girls got their shots, jennika did great she only whined while the lady was touching her and then she was fine and ruth cried until i picked her up which is what Jennika used to do haha. Then we came home relaxed had lunch and i got a text from my husband stating some not so great news. so now i am stressing out because if John doesn't pass this course he is going to on the 15th then we could be homeless and jobless and after a big move and then another move across country things would not be looking good. SO needless to say i will be stressed and worried about everything and thinking worse case for everything the whole month cause we won't find out until the 20th. and on top of that i will not be going to Cali to see my family which is a huge bummer for me since my grandpa just underwent heart surgery, and i was looking forward to introducing Ruth to friends and family. but that will have to wait which i guess is a good thing since saving money is the best idea right now. Then we found out that we won't even be getting the money we spent moving here until late jan since its so close to the end of the year and W-2s are needing to be processed and they won't even start it until those are all handed out which is the 23rd. :( so needless to say i am stressed to the max. and i think this is the only thing i vent to now a days since i don't really want to bother other people with my problems anymore cause i feel like I'm an annoyance at times. so my day went from awesome to horribly stressful all at the same time. on top of that i am still feeling like family issues will NEVER be resolved and things will never change which really pisses me off! but i am trying very very hard to not get bothered by the family issues that seem will never change.

to end my night i did a work out on the treadmill and now I'm going to head to bed, 9:15 and its calling my name. hopefully tomorrow will be a better day and i will get the rest of the things done that i need to get done. So if you are trying to get ahold of me leave a voicemail or email me. phone will be shut of the majority of the day and if its turned on i will most likely not be answering it. i guess i am turning into a hermit.